Stacy - age 10
And somehow we expect Robert and Stacy to waltz into
school Monday morning and respond with a cheery
"wonderful" when his teacher inquires about his weekend.
The emotions that children process while experiencing
divorce can have serious impact on their scholastic
performance. Daydreaming, difficulty focusing, acting
out (wise guy/fighting), lack of motivation can be a
direct result of the sadness, confusion or anger that
the child may feel.
Divorced parents have to be prepared to put some extra
thought into maintaining a positive educational
environment for their children.
Deal with acting out behavior quickly. Children are
helped the most when parents assist them with school
problems before they get out of hand or create a bad
name for themselves as a behavior problem. Discuss with
your child how feelings and thoughts have everything to
do with how one focuses and behaves in school. Educate
them psychologically describing the concept of displaced
feelings; for example, venting anger at a kid or teacher
when he is really angry at his parents. This will give
the child permission to talk openly with his parents
without being fearful of saying that he is hurt or
angry.
Discover problems early on by staying in touch with
teachers. Do not assume that no news is good news. Often
teachers will call a parent after a problem behavior has
been repeated many times. Request monthly reports from
teachers for older children. For younger children,
create a checklist that can be filled out daily by the
teacher at the end of class. Items can include classroom
and social behavior, participation and focus. Use
positive school reports as a method for a child to earn
extra curricular activities, television time and other
prizes. This method will insure early detection of
problems and will make you a part of your child's school
day.
Divorce often disrupts daily structure. Create clear
homework, dinner and play time. It is comforting for a
child to have a schedule and know her limits.
Studies indicate that success in school is
overwhelmingly tied to parental involvement. Be an
involved parent even if you are the non-residential
parent. Chaperon school trips and activities or spend
ten minutes reading your younger child's class a story.
Be in the audience for the class play regardless of
whether or not the other parent will be present. Allow
your child to spend a few hours at the non-residential
parent's home one school night each week so your child
can experience both parents' involvement in homework.
In many states, including Florida, both parents usually
have equal access to their children's school records.
Request that the school send duplicate notices to the
non-residential parent.
Be aware of your child's peer group and notice changes
in friendships. How your child's friends think about
school is generally how he feels. If you are
uncomfortable with some of the friends he is choosing,
discuss it and consider activities that will introduce
him to other friends.
School can be wonderful for the child of divorce. It
often provides structure, friendship and positive
reinforcement. Take a role in making it a positive
experience and your child will always seek out to be
educated.
Here are this month's Q/A's from Gary
Neuman's award winning nationally syndicated column, Changing
Families.
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